I told you this would happen...

I told you I would be terrible at this whole blogging thing and that I would forget all about it for months (or years) at a time and that's exactly what happened. It's been four months since my last post and I didn't even remember on my own. I had a 2 minute conversation about blogs earlier today and I thought "Hey, I had a blog once." and then I felt bad for abandoning it. I didn't necessarily feel bad for the few wonderful peeps out there who wanted me to write this to hear my ramblings (love you friends :-)) I felt bad for my poor neglected blog and started worrying that all the other blogs out there that get updated all the time and have fancy layouts were making fun of it and saying things like "She's never coming back you know." and "She probably found a better blog and moved on." and "You suck." (there are some really mean blogs out there) and I said to myself "Hey self! No one talks to our blog that way!". And so here I am to post a few more ramblings and to try a little harder not to forget you...blog.

Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you. ~ Colin Sautar

Prepare yourselves, (imaginary people I invision reading this blog), it’s a LONG one. If you're reading this and you have spent any significant amount of time with me you have probably learned about a few of my, let's just say, "quirks". So, in an effort to get a better handle on some of those "quirks", I’ve started going to counseling. That's right, I am intentionally going to go and talk to a stranger about more than weather and television, crazy, I know. But yes, after several years of avoiding it, some gentle encouragement by a few well meaning peeps and a little voice inside my head... I made an appointment last week and in an even bigger shocker, I actually went! I didn’t “accidentally” get lost on the way to the appointment (which, I totally could have used that excuse, I mean I JUST moved here, I don’t know my way around this place, Jim wouldn’t have been able to question me at all), and I didn’t get a sudden onset of terrible cramps that morning or anything like that. I actually made it to the building, got in the elevator and rode all the way up to the 15^th floor and my mind can do A LOT of thinking in 15 floors.

For the first 7 floors I was deciding what floor I should get off on so I could turn around and head home to do something I thought might be a little more enjoyable like floss my teeth. Then the elevator seemed to be slowing and I thought we were going to stop to pick up another passenger which didn’t actually happen but then, naturally, my mind began playing out the many scenarios of what would happen if the doors did open and a seemingly normal looking person loaded on and as soon as the doors shut on the giant, sound proof metal coffin we were riding in, this person went crazy. So as any smart person would do I began planning out my defense strategies and double checking that I had my mace in my purse (of course I did). So after what seemed like several minutes but was actually just several seconds I spent the last 3 floors of my ride reviewing my thoughts during the previous 5 floors and was reminded once again of why I was going to counseling in the first place.

Finally, I made it to the office and an hour later after revealing an introductory amount of my dirty laundry the therapist did not give me the response I was expecting which was "You are crazy. I won't be able to help you. You should probably just leave now.", instead he was very nice and said there were some things we can do to work through my issues and get me to a less crazy place (my words not his :-)). He also said I was a "dream client", which I'm pretty sure is therapist code for "just the right amount of crazy and you pay your bill". So I made another appointment, that I actually plan to keep!

Well, it’s late and I’ve typed enough and those booby traps aren’t gonna set themselves! So I leave you with wise words from a wise man “They climbin’ in yo windows, they snatchin yo people up…” ~ Antoine Dodson (spell check is going to LOVE that last sentence)

Dynell

My friends, they are so beautiful.

Let me just start by saying that I am incredibly blessed, I know this. I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful child, we are all healthy, we have a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs and food in our bellies. I really have nothing in my life to complain about. And I am so thankful and incredibly humbled that God has called me and allowed me to be a part of the PlantVentura team and to be a part of building His Church. And I am super thankful that He called us to sunny California and not somewhere like Siberia or someplace like that. And I will write loads about being thrilled with all of those things but at this moment I am sad and I don’t want to turn this into just another place where I put on a smile and pretend everything is perfect. That's just not what Trapper Keepers are for gosh darnit. So, for the next few minutes I’m going to allow myself to just be sad.

We have been officially moved to California for one week now. On some days it feels like we just drove in from the airport and on others I feel like months have passed by while I wasn’t looking. But it’s only been a week. One week since I said goodbye to my family and friends and sobbed and did the “ugly cry” way more times than I care to admit. But if anyone deserves an ugly cry, it’s those people. How in the heck did I get lucky enough to have the friends that I have??? Honestly, it boggles my mind. Friends, who over just the last few years have come to know more of me than anyone else in the previous 30 years before them. And now we are 2,000 miles away from each other (or on different continents in the case of dear Sarah) and I don’t like that one bit. Thankfully, I mean seriously, thankfully, two of those amazing friends are on this crazy journey with me and they have also left behind family and friends and we can sulk and reminisce and make new memories and rejoice when friends come to visit, together. I am so grateful and happy to have them here with me, to be together.

But, my heart is breaking for my friends back home and I know their hearts are hurting too. I hate that we are apart, I hate that it took me preparing to move across the country to realize just how dear they are to me and I hate that we are hurting. Especially since I never fathomed that I would ever have people in my life (not related to me) who would like me enough and care about me enough that it would hurt them when I went away. Or that I would let others so far into my heart that it would hurt me to be away from them. I never thought I would experience the pain of being separated from dear friends. Not because I thought none of us would ever move but because I never thought I would have such dear friends to begin with. Knowing you have friends you love who love you right back and experiencing the hurt of being far away from them is a beautifully painful and oddly comforting thing.

A blog?!  What in the heck was I thinking?!

 Well, here’s what I think I was thinking:
- I have moved!  What?!
- To California! Get out of town!
- To be part of a church planting team and start a church! Don’t be ridiculous! (Balky Bartokomous reference. Perfect Strangers. Cousin Larry…anybody?)

Then I thought:
- I'm starting on one of the craziest journeys in all my 32 years of life and I should jot down my thoughts while on said crazy journey.
- I have moved 2,000 miles away from almost everyone I love and for some reason they want to hear my ramblings and this might be one way to keep in touch and let them know I have not become a hermit...yet.
- And even though I am not a writer, a creative or a celebrity (I mean it makes sense that they would have blogs); I have been told by a few people that "blogging" can actually be a good thing not just completely terrifying and baffling like I think it is. I mean, put my internal monologue on blast for people to read?! Shouldn't that stuff be written in a My Little Pony journal and hidden under my mattress or something like that? Yes? No? Well, time will tell. 


So here it is! My blog! And while by definition I think this is a blog I’m not quite comfortable with that. Because I have seen many a blog in my day and they are all quite awesome. They’re all very informative and creative and pretty and inspiring and thought provoking or they have great tips to offer to make your life better.  Well, my friend, my “blog” will be none of those things so let’s just get that out there right away. In fact I like to think of it more like my Online Trapper Keeper or OTK for short. Just one big, crazy, messy binder full of run-on sentences, half-finished assignments, crammed with loads of different subjects that I will doodle all over, bury at the bottom of my locker and then forget in the lunchroom.

BUT there is a good chance that this thing will be chock full of ridiculous ramblings, random thoughts that may or may not make sense, things I love, things that annoy me, grammar and spelling mistakes (lots and lots of them), things that make me laugh and of course the occasional paranoid delusion thrown in for good measure (Paranoid ramblings are kind of like my watermark. You know it’s an authentic “Dynell” if it contains some bit about balancing a glass on your doorknob to warn of intruders. Actually, I think that counts as a “great tip” for your life!)  Wow, I bet you’re really excited to read this thing now aren’t you??

Well, writing this first post was exhausting and if you’re still reading it then kudos to you my friend. I think we both deserve a break to go search for some Perfect Strangers clips on YouTube. See you in a few months OTK…just kidding…I hope.

Dynell