An open letter to my man...

Dear Jim,

Today is our 13th wedding anniversary. Lucky number thirteen! So I wanted to take a few minutes to share some thoughts with you, my husband, (and whoever else happens to read this soon to be novel length blog post). Now I don't often communicate with you through social media networks, I don't usually post on your Facebook wall or tweet you. I usually send texts or emails instead, guess I'm just old school like dat. But today is special and I am thrilled and blessed and thankful and frankly I want people to know just how amazing you are. It's going to be long and wordy and riddled with terrible grammar, bad punctuation and run on sentences but it's from my heart and it's all true.

Okay, so I just finished writing this and came back to add this. I really will be amazed if you get through reading all of this. It's so long! I just keep hearing Ross from friends in my head (It was 5:30 in the morning and you had rambled on for eighteen pages. Front and back!)

So, we have been together for seventeen years. Let me repeat that seventeen years!! It seems so odd to me when I think about it because I feel like we should be much older to be able to say we've been together that long. And God willing I hope we have many, many more years ahead of us. Sometimes I forget how old we are and I still think we're just two teenagers hanging out, but then Keegan starts throwing a fit or I try to get up off of the floor too fast and I remember I am no longer a teenager (although my TiVo season pass lineup may say otherwise). And let me just say thank goodness I am not 17 anymore otherwise I would still be rocking a unibrow, really, (really) bad hair, stirrup pants and bodysuits (seriously, how did I ever land you?!). I was a hot mess, with a crazy ex, a dysfunctional family and a high school drop out to boot. You must have been wearing some serious God goggles (yes, God goggles, even beer goggles are not strong enough to block out all that stuff). I'm still not sure what made you talk to me but I am thankful every single day that you ignored all the neon warning signs and still decided to venture into the danger zone. Are you singing Kenny Loggins now? No? How about now?

I am so grateful that we found each other early in our lives. Eventhough we were so young it feels as though I lived an entire life in the 17 years before we were together and that was plenty. God gave me such a gift when He placed you in my path.

I'm not sure if you're aware of this or not but a lot of stuff happens in seventeen years. A lot of ups and downs, joys and sorrows, mood swings, arguments, sickness, celebrations and strife. You have been right next to me through it all. I don't mean you were around and didn't take off when things got rough, I mean right by my side. Always present, always available for whatever I needed. Always the first to celebrate my wins and accomplishments, the first to offer help and the first to comfort me in my hurts and failures and to bring me Beef-A-Roo or Cold Stone to make me feel better (you really do "get" me).

It seems appropriate after last weeks teaching at church and today being our anniversary to use the verse from 1 Corinthians as a guide to explain to you how much you mean to me with my own little interpretation of what these words mean.

Love is patient
Yes it is, and man have you been patient with me. Even during those times when I don't deserve it, when I have worn out my own patience with myself, when no one would blame you for getting upset or walking away. When Keegan is being a crazy four year old and having a meltdown, yelling in his bedroom "What can cool me off?!" while surrounded by 20 fans. You are patient. When I am depressed about the exact same thing for 400th time and we have been through all of this before and you know we will go through it again, you are patient. Thank you.

Love is kind
You have cornered the market on this one buddy. 6,180 days have passed since we started dating (Yes I actually did the math and even accounted for leap years! But it could still be wrong so give or take a few.) In all of those 6,180 days I can't remember a day that has gone by that you haven't complimented me (usually more than once) or said something to encourage me and build me up or helped me out or given a back rub or offered to take something off my plate or surprised me in some way. I am positive that you are unaware how much this has all meant to me because I am terrible at telling you. Thank you.

It does not envy
I don't know how you do this because it is so easy for me to fall into it. You are always genuinely happy for me and others when good things happen to us and for us. Which sounds easy, why wouldn't you be happy for your wife, right. But even when it causes you more work or things aren't going so well for you or it inconveniences you in some way you are still the first to congratulate and you are happy for me and want the best for me. Thank you.

It does not boast
Even when you should! Not sure you know this or not but you are all kinds of awesome! You are good at everything! You are so talented and so freaking smart! I'm constantly in awe of you and all the things you have accomplished, all you have learned, your wisdom, your work ethic, your desire to learn more and do more. And in all of this you don't take credit for it, even in those times when, as your wife, I think you should be taking credit and it should be known what you have done and I get frustrated and annoyed, you remain humble and calm and genuinely thrilled to be able to have done all the things God has allowed you to do and recognize that He is the one who deserves the credit. Thank you for being awesome and being humble about it.

It is not proud
I'm going to flip this one just a little bit. You are not proud and boastful... of yourself. I think I covered that above. But you are always proud of Keegan and myself. Always. It is amazing to know that no matter what happens in my life, how much I screw up, how much I have failed, you are always right there cheering me on, pushing me forward, holding me up. Never telling me how I screwed up or should have done better but always celebrating my accomplishments, helping me to be better, reminding me of what what I did right, how I succeeded. It overwhelms me to see you with Keegan and to watch you encourage him and cheer him on. It is comforting and thrilling to know that our sons (plural! so weird to say that!) will grow up with a father who encourages them, supports them, loves them and is genuinely proud of them and wants to celebrate their accomplishments (all the while not wanting to celebrate himself). To know that they will have a better understanding of the love of God because of the way they are loved by you is amazing. Thank you.

It does not dishonor others
In the entire time we have been together (6,180 days in case you forgot) not once have you ever disrespected me. Not once! You have never called me a name or insulted me or tried to bring me down to make yourself feel better, even during an argument. Never. You have always, ALWAYS encouraged me. Even when we argue or I am being absolutely ridiculous, you love me and you show it. Again, I'm not sure you know what a gift this is to me. To know that I am safe with you, that I don't have to worry about trying to be something I'm not, to not have to pretend with you or be fearful of saying what I need to say for fear of what your reaction will be. To not have to worry about what you say about me to other people even when you're frustrated with me or sharing our struggles, I know that your words and actions will be truthful and usually more positive and forgiving than I deserve. Thank you.

It is not self-seeking
You always put us first. I know that in everything you do you always have what is best for us, our family, our marriage, in mind. You are such a hard worker and even when you are ridiculously busy and have no time, you make time for us. Even if that means you're going to stay up late working and then get up at 5:00am to get work done while we're still sleeping so you can be with us later in the day or make it to watch Keegan's swimming lesson or just come home to give me a little break. Please know that I don't take for granted how hard you work to make us and our family a priority. Thank you.

It is not easily angered
We all get angry, and we have gotten angry with each other a lot over the years but this is true about you, you are not easily angered. You are patient, you listen, you try to understand the situation, talk about it, give the benefit of the doubt and after all that if you do become angry I know you will handle it in a loving way. I never have to worry how your anger will come out or how it be directed. I never have to worry about your words or actions even when you're angry. Thank you.

It keeps no record of wrongs
You must have the worst memory ever because you seem to have no recollection of my faults and past wrongdoings. You never talk about them, never bring them up, never make me feel like I'm still making up for things. Just the other day when I was being ridiculous and let's just say unpleasant, you asked me why I was acting the way I was in the situation and I said, not very nicely, (sorry about all that) "why are you surprised?" and it occurred to me later that maybe you were surprised by my behavior because you had already forgotten about this fault in me, about the way I can be selfish and overreact and whine and be not nice. It seems like you give me a clean slate every time I screw up and fall short. Thank you.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth
Speak the truth in love. That's what you do. Yes, you give me a clean slate when I screw up but you also speak truth to me when I need to hear it to help me become more and more of the woman God intends for me to be. To help me grow and not stay stuck in the same places over and over again. Thank you.

It always protects
In every way you protect us. You protect our hearts, our relationship, our family, our home, our finances, our friendship, our children, our marriage. I know that you will (and have) protected us even when it is at a cost to you. Thank you.

Always trusts
Again, I'm going to flip this one a bit. You do trust, me and others. But more than that you are trustworthy. I trust you. This may sound redundant. You're my husband, of course I should trust you. But it's more than that. I trust you in everything, with everything. I trust you with our lives, our marriage, our finances, our children, my heart. I trust you in every situation. Do you know what a gift it is to never have to worry about what you may do, or say, or spend or where you may go or what you will do once you get there? You have never given me any reason to do anything but trust you. You have given me peace and security in our marriage. Thank you.

Always hopes
We all know that I am not little miss sunshine. I'm not a glass half full kind of gal and I'm always going to have my "doomsday visions" so I am so thankful that you are hopeful, you are optimistic, you do assume the best. I am thankful that even when I am in the middle of a catastrophe that is all taking place in my imagination because I've let my mind run with the worst outcome of a given situation and I think your positive outlook is just crazy and foolish :-), you are there, again, always, calming me, giving me hope, reminding of the what is true, what is good. Thank you.

Always perseveres
You don't give up. You have not given up on me, even when I have given up on myself. You always keep pushing, keep helping, keep hoping, keep praying, keep encouraging, persevering. I know you will always be there, you were there when things have been tough in the past and when they are tough again in the future I know you will be there. Thank you.

So there you have it, but in addition to all of the things above here a just a couple other things I think you should know.

You are funny. Man, I still remember those nights working at good old Chuck E. Cheese (for anyone still reading this first of all wow, way to hang in there and second the E. stands for entertainment, that's right, dropping knowledge on ya). Anyway, our relationship started with you making me laugh and smile and you still make me laugh and smile (even when I want to mope and don't want to laugh) you are the funniest person I know. You make me laugh all the time. Thank you.

I love that we each are fine being alone and having time to ourselves and that we still love spending time together. I genuinely enjoy being with you. I still get excited when I know you're coming home and I still miss you like crazy when you leave (and not just because it means I have to break out all my booby traps and weaponry :-) I'm thankful that we share the same dorky, sarcastic sense of humor. It's awesome, we are hilarious and this marriage would probably look a whole lot different if there was only one sarcastic jerk in the mix :-) (By the way, sarcastic name calling doesn't count, in case you were wondering. That's just fun.)

You are an amazing father. I saw something on Pinterest (of course) that said "Don't marry a man unless you would want a son exactly like him." and I can say one hundred percent that I would be so proud if our sons grow up to be like their father, I hope for that. You are the most amazing man I have ever known and I am eternally grateful that you are my best friend, my husband and the father to my children. Even after all of these words I have rambled on and on with I still feel like I'm falling short in explaining to you just how amazing you are, how blessed I am to be your wife and how much I love you. I know marriage isn't always easy, life isn't always easy but I am so happy that I get to do all of this with you! Happy Anniversary! Thank you for an amazing marriage and friendship! I love you!

Your wife,
Dynell (the half white trash one :-)