Let me just start by saying that I am incredibly blessed, I know this. I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful child, we are all healthy, we have a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs and food in our bellies. I really have nothing in my life to complain about. And I am so thankful and incredibly humbled that God has called me and allowed me to be a part of the PlantVentura team and to be a part of building His Church. And I am super thankful that He called us to sunny California and not somewhere like Siberia or someplace like that. And I will write loads about being thrilled with all of those things but at this moment I am sad and I don’t want to turn this into just another place where I put on a smile and pretend everything is perfect. That's just not what Trapper Keepers are for gosh darnit. So, for the next few minutes I’m going to allow myself to just be sad.
We have been officially moved to California for one week now. On some days it feels like we just drove in from the airport and on others I feel like months have passed by while I wasn’t looking. But it’s only been a week. One week since I said goodbye to my family and friends and sobbed and did the “ugly cry” way more times than I care to admit. But if anyone deserves an ugly cry, it’s those people. How in the heck did I get lucky enough to have the friends that I have??? Honestly, it boggles my mind. Friends, who over just the last few years have come to know more of me than anyone else in the previous 30 years before them. And now we are 2,000 miles away from each other (or on different continents in the case of dear Sarah) and I don’t like that one bit. Thankfully, I mean seriously, thankfully, two of those amazing friends are on this crazy journey with me and they have also left behind family and friends and we can sulk and reminisce and make new memories and rejoice when friends come to visit, together. I am so grateful and happy to have them here with me, to be together.
But, my heart is breaking for my friends back home and I know their hearts are hurting too. I hate that we are apart, I hate that it took me preparing to move across the country to realize just how dear they are to me and I hate that we are hurting. Especially since I never fathomed that I would ever have people in my life (not related to me) who would like me enough and care about me enough that it would hurt them when I went away. Or that I would let others so far into my heart that it would hurt me to be away from them. I never thought I would experience the pain of being separated from dear friends. Not because I thought none of us would ever move but because I never thought I would have such dear friends to begin with. Knowing you have friends you love who love you right back and experiencing the hurt of being far away from them is a beautifully painful and oddly comforting thing.
Having friends that feel that way about you and friends you feel that way about is truly a gift. Unfortunately it isn't something everyone gets to experience and the fact that you are feeling torn away shows a lot about the friend you are.
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you. Look at you growing and writing a blog! Love you so so much, my darling friend. I will try not to cry right now, but the tears are dangerously close to the edge!
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